Christmas

Tried out a classic french recipe today: Steak au Poivres et Pommes Darphin - Peppered Steak with Potatoes. A relatively simple dish to prepare, but one packed with loads of goodness. The key ingredient here, is the peppercorn itself!

On another note, a very Blessed Christmas to all. We give because we first received the greatest gift from above - the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.

As i ponder on my blessings i've experienced over the past year, i cannot help but feel grateful and very blessed.

Below

Serving behind the scenes - it's not what i want; it's what i need.

Camp is coming.

Return

I'm back from Cambodia. Due to the sensitivity of the work that we did there, i am limited with regards to the content i can post and share here.

Nonetheless, i can definitely say that a little smile or an act, such as an old lady holding my arm and thanking me for helping them, was good enough to push me toward the end, braving the grueling hours and the punishing heat. Such smiles are worth it, and there were many occasions whereby the fruits of our labour were observed.

Enriching will not even be a word that comes close to describing the experience there. There's so much to it, but whenever i try to articulate it in words, i fail. Perhaps time will give me room to think and phrase it properly in words. Look forward to my sharing in the near future at the 11.30 service.

Cambodia

Been doing some final preparations for my trip to Cambodia tomorrow. To be absolutely honest, i'm stoked for the trip. i found it quite odd how our team leader kept assuring the "newcomers" how the first few days will not be at the Villages in the event they were afraid of the living conditions there - quite the contrary, it's what i'm looking forward to the most. 

i'll try my best to keep updating this blog as the days pass, but i reckon it's likely that i will not have access to WiFi while i'm there. Keeping my fingers crossed. For now, i'm off to an early night! 

May the Good Lord grant the team safety & protection, good health, and love & patience for the people.

Conclusion

Yesterday marked the conclusion of my two week attachment at NUH. What better way to conclude than to witness three new surgeries and gain more exposure to the job. The first one was a biopsy; the second was a cranioplasty - technology these days allow for prosthetic skulls to be inserted; and the third was a spine fracture fix (the nerve was affected so neurosurgery had to take over orthopedics, which was pretty weird cause it seemed as if the surgery was unrelated to the nerve at all, but good for knowledge.) Very interesting stuff.

So i said my parting words to the doctors i've been shadowing and they've all given me their best wishes and said their respective farewells. It's touching to see how they've been willing open up to even someone like me - just a nobody who's interested in medicine.
You're more than welcome to join us, any day.
They go beyond accommodating. i remain, ever so grateful.

With this attachment done, i can now focus on what's ahead of me: i have to start packing for my trip to Cambodia this coming Monday and study the medications i'd be handling while i'm there. There's so much administrative matters to settle within a day that i'm getting worried that something important will slip my mind and it'll be too late...

Better get cracking.

Almost Done

i think the effect of the lack of sleep over the past two weeks is starting to take its toll on me. Yesterday's two spinal tumour cases, on top of having only three hours o sleep, had me standing from 8 in the morning all the way till 7 PM. The life of a doctor, they all say. Mother was looking at me (possibly noting the increased weariness in my eyes) and saying how tough it must be experiencing how it's like being a doctor. However, it feels to me like something worth spending so much energy for. i've been more tired, without a doubt, but that's just probably cause i've had five full days of play and rest the moment i ended my IB examinations - i've not even done anything close to what the doctors have to do, i merely shadow.

While we have had several problematic encounters with the families of patients, i can acknowledge why sometimes these people act the way they do (which does not, however, give them the right to behave in such a manner). Apart from these people, we've also had family members who have been extremely understanding, which is something to give thanks for. One thing i've learnt especially pertinent to medicine, and other faculties related to it, is that you've got to be able to remain calm and composed no matter what kind of people you encounter (there has been such a diversity). i truly respect all doctors, pharmacists, nurses and hospital staff who have weathered the heat and the storms.

There is this one particular doctor i have much praise for. Not only does he spend so much time getting to know his patients better, he encountered this rather unreasonable man during the clinic session earlier this Tuesday and in my opinion, handled it extremely well. Moreover, he is ever so patient with his patients, and family members of the patients alike, as well as to me, a nobody who's incessantly asking (hopefully not stupid and redundant, as i try my best not to make them out to be) questions.

As i've reached close to the end of my hospital attachment at NUH, i can truly say that the experience has left me more aware. i wouldn't go to the extreme to say that i've had zero knowledge prior to my hospital visit and this attachment has enlightened me tremendously, as it would be rather ludicrous. But i can definitely claim that i've gained a significant amount of experience in the medical field and learnt several new things along the way. Life in itself is all about learning, isn't it?

And here i remain, more than a little grateful; continually seeking to learn and experience new things.

The Next Day

And it's the next day.

It was a pretty quiet night in contrast with the previous day: the doctor on call the night before was so busy he only slept two hours. Other than an emergency case last night, which involved the management of a large aneurysm located in the patient's internal carotid artery, there were hardly any other complications, save for one or two patients.

While i'd love to experience how a busy night on call feels like, i'm thankful that the patients got a comfortable rest at least, without any major complications.

*edit*

There were some problems last night. But the MO decided to let me sleep anyhow (though i was already awake at 4.30). However, spent some good time in the morning contemplating and reading those really expensive textbooks - good for knowledge.

Call

A patient passed away this morning. Cause of death: encephalitis, or in laymen terms, the inflammation of the brain perhaps by an infection. Witnessing how the team had to break the news to the family was not a pretty sight.

Posting this early using my phone today because i'll be following the doctor on call tonight and staying overnight at the hospital. With the recent Sembawang shipyard oilrig tip that left 90 injured i'd have expected it to be a busy week. Sure enough, 30 of them were admitted here to NUH, but surprisingly none of them are related to Neurosurgery.

It's an interesting thing to be in the clinics. It was meaningful today: had to fork out my mother tongue that has been rusting at the back of my head but thankfully, managed to interact with many of the patients with a little help every now and then. There is a wide range of patients you see here and i'd elaborate a little more in my later posts. For now, let me just express again how grateful i am for this entire opportunity to be here. Truly God just opening windows of opportunities for me to just learn, learn and learn. And that's what i'm here to do, nothing more.

Tenderness

We went down to the A&E to talk to the family of one of the inpatients today. We were explaining the benefits and the risks of the surgery, of which the registrar thought was necessary to preserve the patient's life, when his wife started to well up in tears. Despite being a relatively straightforward surgery, the operation entailed several risks of complications, and that was enough to cause a concern.

i can admit that the tenderness of the entire situation got me a little emotional, but i managed to hold back my emotions pretty well. It reminded me of what father said some time back: Doctors have to be emotionally unattached. Not true, i believe. Emotionally strong, yes, but definitely not unattached to the point where you're numb to the core.

Perhaps that's the problem some doctors face - they've experienced death as common as rain, and then subsequently grow out of their emotions. Sometimes they care too much about diagnosing and treating the patient than caring about the patients themselves (i'm not saying this about the team i'm under though - they're one of the most caring group of doctors i've ever met).

More heart than brains (although that in itself is Scientifically incorrect).

Living Humbly

Had a conversation with one of my closest friends, who also happens to be the oldest friend i have (i knew him since i was 7), and it reminded me of Dr. Tan Lai Yong's sharing a couple of months back.

It is a curriculum for students in Singapore to fulfill the requirements of the CIP, or in laymen terms, Community Involvement Programme. It is through the CIP that students are exposed to and made aware of the more needy people in Singapore, and also gives students a chance to "give back and contribute to society". Many people i've observed believe that they've sort of fulfilled their moral obligations to the less fortunate in their society through the four hours spent cutting vegetables or singing songs at an old folks home, which is sad thing really, but not what i intend to expound on today.

The main topic pertains to Dr. Tan's sharing: About short-term trips to third world countries and the likes of them. Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) provides a wonderful opportunity for its IB students to take part in a Window of the World programme to such countries, and many of us encounter the poor - the really poor - and how they live. We are forced to think; forced to reflect, and many jump to a similar conclusion that goes along the lines of: It is touching to see how contented and happy they are despite having so little. Unfortunately, and i say this on the account of Dr. Tan, that this is not true. What we see are the peoples' forceful acts to maintain a generous hospitality to strangers from foreign places, which is engraved in their culture. Truth be told, they are suffering - through hardships; through tears; through emotional turmoil. It is just invisible to us. Why is this so? It is simply due to the fact that the one night spent in the village, or the one week spent in these countries, is just not enough to truly know how these villagers' lives are.

And this brings me to my post-IB plans for next year. i really want to learn about how these villagers live - not just to read about them, but to actually live like them, while trying my best to help make their lives more comfortable in whatever little way i can contribute. So, i'm set on going to China for two months months next year (Praise God for late enlistment), just to assist several doctors during their interactions with the patients in the village, and to learn, to really really learn, how and what it is like to live humbly. i'm not going to make a claim saying it'll be easy for me, but i'm more than willing to try.

i can confidently bet it'll be a good and an extremely meaningful experience for me, anyhow.

Family

And so (as observed from the evidence above) i'm in Malaysia, at my father's golf resort, for a family gathering. Aunt Khim thought it'll be a pretty good idea for the family to meet together at my dad's resort just to get some family time together. If it weren't for family, i wouldn't be here. i've got to admit, it's awfully nice to see everyone again.

Thankful

Today marks the end of my first week at NUH, as well as the end of the conference. Despite my short stint here, i've grown so attached to this place; bonded so well with the doctors; increased my knowledge tenfold - the hospital feels like home. i should stop myself from getting used to this, lest i find myself disappointed in a month or so's time. The man you see above is the one and only Professor Charles Teo. i took the opportunity to take a photo with him - how often to you get to witness such a professional in action, let alone meet a high-profile neurosurgeon face to face? Never, save this once. He had operated on three difficult cases this week, all of which i was privileged to witness, and i can't help but stand no less than amazed at his surgical prowess. Maybe some day.

Meanwhile, i'm currently in Malaysia for a family trip to my father's golf resort. Haven't seen my relatives since the passing of my late grandfather - it'll definitely be good to catch up with them once more.

Pituitary

This week, the Neurosurgery team of NUH is hosting a conference - The State of the Art Series: Management of Pituitary Tumours, with an expert panel that comprises of both International and Local faculties. As mentioned before, Professor Charles Teo, Senior Consultant Neurosurgeon of UNSW, Australia, is here, and in addition to him, there are also consultants from world-renowned hospitals such as Addenbrookes Hospital in Cambridge and Queen's Hospital in London.

Truly, words cannot describe how grateful i am to the doctors (and to God) for giving me the opportunity to sit in for such a seminar. As i looked around the auditorium today, i observed that i was the only non-medical staff, let alone a non-medical student, who was present for the conference: a timely reminder of how blessed i am.

***

Met Aunty Siew Mei and Samantha in church after the conference today to learn more about the drugs we'd be dealing with during the medical trip to Cambodia i'd be going for in two weeks time. i keep thinking of how i'm supposed to go about explaining such detailed instructions to the translator - getting them right is absolutely crucial: one wrong instruction could be fatal. i can only pray to God that He'll watch over us throughout the one and a half weeks that we'd be there.

Challenging and daunting, but i'm definitely excited and looking forward to it.

Youthful Aging

The Family went to an authentic Italian restaurant, Trattoria Capri it's called, located at Binjai Park, to celebrate my first aunt's sixty-fifth birthday today. It is noteworthy that this is the same restaurant in which a young skinny Singaporean boy first started his career - the boy whom i've learnt so much from and is currently studying in le cordon bleu to further his career in the culinary world.

Before we left for dinner, Father was having some problems with the voucher which he bought online from Groupon and got pretty upset (annoyed) at the restaurant's customer service. Told him to shrug it off (it's not healthy to harvest a grudge) and just enjoy the company - the whole idea was to celebrate first aunt's birthday after all, which blatantly screams "happy occasion". Sure enough, the coupon problem was eventually resolved without so much of a hassle, which made Father's annoyance at the whole thing all a tad bit silly. 

Moreover, the food was good. i thoroughly enjoyed the squid ink ravioli - ravioli al nero di seppia it's called, which had an amazing texture (as expected from home made pasta) and was so flavorful. Chris enjoyed the Tartufata as well - a pizza topped with egg and hints of truffle. 

It was quite absurd to have seen Father act that way, perhaps a result of growing younger with age? i definitely hope not: wouldn't want to experience a Curious Case of Benjamin (Tan) any day.

Experiences

After a series of long lectures, case discussions, and clinics, i ended the day with a visit to the Healthserve Clinic based in Lorong 23, Geylang.

The man you see above is Dr. Tan Lai Yong - a notable, respectable and famous Singaporean doctor best known for his work for the villagers in Yunnan. It is he who inspired me to want to be a doctor (still inspires), and having a personal talk with him today just fulfilled one of them "meet-and-greet sessions with your hero" thingamajigums. Despite having done so much, the man remains ever so humble and down-to-earth, and that is one of the many reasons why i look up to him as someone i'd like to follow.

Other than discussing with him some of the post-IB plans that i have in mind, i spent some four hours in Geylang eating with foreign labourers (some of whom got injured in accidents and are currently jobless), walking around the Red-light districts and observing the lives of the people who live there. From the illegal cigarettes, the small (illegal) dormitories (one room flats housing ten or more workers), the fake Viagra, the transvestite man chicks to the neon lights, the experience was more than a little humbling.

Masterclass

Today marked the beginning of a two-week internship at NUH. On top of being already blessed for this opportunity, i had the privilege of witnessing a world-class, high profile neurosurgeon, Dr. Charles Teo, in action.

The control and precision he had over the surgical instruments and how he removed the brain tumor was unlike any other operation i've seen last year (or the countless others i've watched on youtube) - truly spectacular and worth standing for the 8 hours. It was, irrefutably inspirational.

Definitely looking forward to the many more good days to come.

Reflections

Two friends of mine recently brought up the topic of relationships on separate occasions, and i feel compelled to share my thoughts about it.

i've always treated dating seriously: we date with marriage in mind. It's simple, if you don't see someone as a potential life partner, don't even start at all. There is a propensity for people to carelessly jump into relationships, and that's fine; a normal way of life. But the former is my philosophy of what dating should be.

That being said, such things are intractable, regardless of how serious you (and/or the other party) may be. It is common to experience break-ups even when things appear fine and dandy.

A recent experience has instigated me to ponder over the significance of having a partner. In my opinion (and treat it as my own opinion), having a significant other is merely a bonus - a want, but undoubtedly not a need. The Bible encourages us to marry, but it also gives an account of Paul instructing people to depart from the notion of marriage should it hinder your walk with God. A heavy and almost crucial instruction - but one that many take fleetingly and too lightly, me included.

i had thought i did everything right - i prayed fervently (or so i thought): for direction with regard to asking her and dedicated the relationship to God before she left, but it is only now that i realise how wrong i really was; it is only now that i realise what went wrong.

i loved her more than i loved God.

Perhaps God had to go to that extreme to bring me back to Him: i never got any sense of closure; it happened all too suddenly, any sort of reason i could barely understand and, thereafter, not a word was heard from her since. It caused tremendous amount of pain because i put my heart in there: she was someone i sought to marry and i took it absolutely seriously. But i loved her more than God, and that's what went wrong.

To be honest, i felt betrayal. Words were empty; promises were unkept. It was assumed that it is only fair for her to keep to her side of the bargain, when i kept to mine. But it is pointless, and selfishly unfair to her, to have thought that way. There's a verse in Job that was hauntingly resonant as i was struggling through the idea of it: Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21, ESV). Truly, the Lord blessed me by putting her in my life, but He can also choose to take her away if that's the means to get me to fix my perspectives.

As i said, relationships are a bonus, an absolute blessing to have - someone for us to not get lonely; someone for us to share our struggles and our innermost feelings. It is definitely comforting and pleasant to have something tangible in our lives and without a reasonable doubt, joy and a multitude of emotions can be experienced. But Thomas Kempis writes in The Imitation of Christ, to set our hearts on things that are invisible, and not on the visible, for apart from loving God and serving him only, everything else is vanity.

A part of me desperately wishes to just be able to speak to her again. But that's entirely up to her and ultimately, God's in control of that. Let me thus, seek God wholeheartedly instead. i am after all, still young anyhow (and not date-worthy anyway).

Drained

Day one of post-examinations: extremely energy-draining. I never thought that shopping'd be much more tiring than my trainings and exercise combined. And despite the fact that i spent four hours cycling in the rain yesterday and only two to three hours walking around Vivo today, i feel two times more exhausted than how i felt the day before. Very, very interesting: a different kind of stamina altogether.

Coincidentally, i saw a couple of people i know roaming the same place where i was. Again, Singapore is too small a place for coincidences to be accurately called coincidences. But it's nice to be aware of how convenient meeting up can be considering how we've officially graduated from school. Makes me all the more grateful i live in a country where travelling is not much of an issue.

Liberation

Liberation felt better imagined, cause i know it's only temporary.

I'm more looking forward to the events that lie ahead of me as i continue to breathe life during my stint on Earth.

In Sadness

How undeniably sad life is when we get caught in the net of Academical Pursuits and neglect the things that truly matter.

But of course, every one is entitled to their own beliefs. You can't enforce your views on others, and i'm not so naive to believe otherwise.

Little Blessings

Life has taught me, through my experiences and interactions with people of distinct backgrounds, that we are always blessed, regardless of what we have (or lack).

Though The Straits Times published a rather ludicrous article about the distinctions between "the elite" schools and "the rest" on Saturday (which was completely inaccurate), they do, at most times, have articles that are worth reading. Yesterday's article about the world's 'poorest' president was one of them.

Quote the press, "Uruguay's President Jose Mujica, shuns official residence and gives 90% of salary to charity...for his modest home on a farm on the outskirts of the capital." His actions are noble - which other country has a leader who does the same? i felt that it was good of the press to publish his story and let us be aware that life is made up of the choices that we make. One can argue, however, that this is all some sort of a political act on his part, to gain the support of his people. But i'd like to think the best of people and assume his actions are genuine and sincere.

Mr. World's Poorest President has got me thinking about how we Singaporeans live our lives today. Volunteering in several non-profit organisations over the past six years, coupled with the interaction with friends from church who do the same, has helped me realised how great the disparity between the rich and the poor here really is. And i truly am touched to see people stepping out by the numbers to help and contribute in whatever ways the can.

Sadly, many of these volunteers are people who come from "less well-to-do" backgrounds, as it were. Many of the better well-off families are unaware of even the presence of these needy families. A classmate of mine once asked how i am able to find so many CAS opportunities (though for most of them, i did not even bother to claim), when it's simple: you just have to open your eyes and look around. But i guess that's just the brutal reality of the world: the rich get richer and the poor, get children. (Scott F. Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby)

i guess people are generally afraid of losing; afraid of losing the comfortable life that our forefathers worked so hard to give to us, and this fear is in many ways normal. But let us try to learn from Mr, Mujica: "I am called the 'poorest President', but I don't feel poor. Poor people are only those who work to try to keep an expensive lifestyle, and always want more and more."

If we maintain a contented spirit, and part from a greedy heart, we'd realise that the little blessings that we already have are in fact, the only things we'd ever need.

Oh but unfortunately, we're all only human.

Sentimental

Put on Art Tatum's music while revising for my (hopefully not) last biology paper. Mr. Tatum's tuneful melodies coupled with the smooth runs that are characteristic of his style, are what i'd give an arm for to be able to replicate - they're absolutely wicked. How apt was the comment, probably off from an amazed bystander, at the end of In a Sentimental Mood as well, which sums up my thoughts concisely - "Beautiful".

Being one who spent his piano lessons memorising classical pieces off the piano scores, improvisation's not my cup of tea. Thus, as much as i'd like to do the same, i can only admire from a distance.

***

It occurred to me that the next three days i'll be in school sitting for my papers will be the last three days that i'll be donning the uniform of my school for the past six years. It isn't my nature to get sentimental about such things, but the years spent in this famed institution have been nothing but a privilege and a blessing, and i feel perennial gratefulness for everyone who has played an instrumental role in shaping the person i am today.

However, i do acknowledge how sheltered we have been within the four walls of our classroom, and although we did have hints of it, we've been without a doubt, protected from the selfish and brutal hunger that drives people in today's modern society. And we think we've real problems, heh.

Oh well, into the real world i come.

Submission

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." (James 4:7, 8 ESV)

i find myself growing weary: drained from the past two weeks of examinations; sapped of energy, and lacking in motivation to remain stedfast in prayer.

i find myself succumbing to temptation: while my spirit willingly resists, my flesh, inevitably, gives up loathsomely.

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength"
These words hang across the walls of the auditorium, in which i sit. A wonderful promise, but before i slothfully claim it, let me first wholeheartedly submit, and draw near to God (and fleeing the devil.)

I Would, But.

I would, but cannot sing,

Guilt has untuned my voice;

The serpent sin’s envenomed sting

Has poisoned all my joys.

I know the Lord is nigh,

And would, but cannot, pray;

For Satan meets me when I try,

And frights my soul away.

I would, but can’t repent

Though I endeavor oft;

This stony heart can ne’er relent

Till Jesus make it soft.

I would, but cannot love,

Though wooed by love divine;

No arguments have pow’r to move

A soul so base as mine.

I would, but cannot rest

In God’s most holy will;

I know what He appoints is best,

Yet murmur at it still!

Oh could I but believe!

Then all would easy be;

I would, but cannot, Lord relieve,

My help must come from Thee!

But if indeed I would,

Though I can nothing do,

Yet the desire is something good,

For which my praise is due.

By nature prone to ill,

Till Thine appointed hour

I was as destitute of will,

As now I am of pow’r.

Wilt Thou not crown, at length,

The work Thou hast begun?

And with a will, afford me strength

In all Thy ways to run.

penned by John Newton

All The Time

God is good, all the time.
He puts a song of praise in this heart of mine.

The events of today constituted a powerful reminder of how good my good God is.

Just a couple of days ago, Mdm. Reena, from the laboratory, imparted words to me as well, which resonate (up till today) so strongly in my heart. These were the words: Remember, dom, however big something might be, our God is bigger.

Indeed, God is good, all the time.

More of God

More of God; Less of Self.

Remember that, dom.

Charming Fears

O for a thousand tongues to sing,

My Great Redeemer's praise.

The Glories of my God and King,

The triumphs of His grace!

My Gracious Master and my God,

Assist me to proclaim,

To spread through all the earth abroad

The honors of Thy name.

Jesus! The name that charms our fears,

That bids our sorrows cease;

'Tis music in the sinner's ears,

'Tis life, and health, and peace.

He breaks the power of cancelled sin,

He sets the prisoner free;

His blood can make the foulest clean;

His blood availed for me.

He speaks, and listening to His voice,

New life the dead receive;

The mournful, broken hearts rejoice,

The humble poor believe.

Hear Him, ye deaf; his praise, ye dumb,

Your loosened tongues employ;

Ye blind, behold your Savior come,

And leap, ye lame, for joy!

In Christ, your head, you then shall now,

Shall feel your sins forgiven;

Anticipate your heaven below,

And own that love is heaven.

- Charles Wesley (1740)

It's fourteen more days to the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IBDP) November session examinations. Let Jesus, the name that charms [my] fears, take His place in the driving seat.

Fragility

A dear friend's mother passed away recently. Life - so brittle; so fragile - is often taken for granted and is almost abused in fact, by our human extremities. What are we doing with our lives today? (Some food for thought, perhaps)

Double Celebration

Today my family and i celebrated both my parents' 21st Wedding Anniversary and Timmo's 20th Birthday Anniversary. Father was feeling rather generous and brought all of us, immediately after the church service, to a fine place called Dozo - a Japanese fine dining restaurant with a modern twist. The food was fairly interesting, but it came with several critiques. Nonetheless, it was a time with reasonable food, for which i'm grateful for either way, and good fellowship among the table.

Study Getaway

And so i'm away for a getaway. Welled up with a culmination of emotions, i reckoned that a getaway somewhere would probably do me justice. Spent the whole of yesterday and today at my father's workplace: Tanjong Puteri Golf Resort in Pasir Gudang, Malaysia.

Having cooked mainly Western meals at home, i asked my dad if it was suitable for me to pop my head in the kitchen to learn how to prepare some of the local dishes. It was not a problem - after talking to the head of the F&B department, i ended up right smack in the middle of a busy kitchen. Unfortunately, i felt so immobilized in the kitchen as everyone was speaking in Malay and i had no clue to what the orders were. To make things worse, most of the stuff they threw into the woks were already pre-made the night before so i had no idea what these pastes and curries comprised of.

Nonetheless, i made the best of my time there as i found a chef who was able to communicate in English. Managed to learn how to make roti canai, or more commonly known here in Singapore as roti prata, as well as murtabak, a thin prata-like bread with stuffings in them, from scratch. Although what i wanted to learn was more of the curries, every opportunity to learn new things always excite me, and i remain grateful.

Took the buggy out for a spin too, because Father wanted to take photographs of the animals that reside in his golf course. Visited my aunt for dinner too; her dog is extremely adorable - he mounted a soft toy every other minute and wouldn't let us go when it was time to leave. Here are some photographs that i took from my phone:

Library; Friend; Food

Currently in Jurong Regional library revising for my last paper. In a small place like Singapore, coincidences are far too common for them to be called coincidences. Met a classmate, or a classmate met me rather, and instead of responding to me motioning to her to join me, she preferred to study without a table. Reason: because the chairs are too hard. Interesting.

Rather weary from the readings, i felt it'd do me justice to take a break and blog. Although i'm still struggling to get a hang of jotting down my thoughts coherently, i'm grateful nonetheless for this avenue to express my thoughts. 

While i intended for this to be more of a food blog (only to become more active after my IB examinations, due to the demands of the course and of the nature of cooking), i haven't actually been cooking and most of my posts have been what you'd normally find on any other blog. However, i find myself reminiscing about past dishes that i've done together with Yi Yi and decided to showcase the kind of things that will be in store on this blog. Of all the vain things that charm me most, i would say that cooking probably hits the top of the list, mainly due to how therapeutic it is, and the excitement and euphoria that comes along with it.

This pretty little dish is a Salmon and Scallop Ravioli with a white wine tomato base sauce.

While this particular dish was assembled by Yi Yi and Serena (another cook who helped him) during his last dinner service, i made this dish with Yi Yi several weeks prior to that night for several churchies and it went down a storm.

Salmon and Scallop Ravioli with white wine tomato sauce

Handmade pasta, compared to those found dry in packets from supermarkets, is absolutely divine. i really hope that i can get back to the kitchen soon to try something more adventurous. In the meantime, my books shall be my best friends.

What a day, and the wind cries Mary

Decided to put my jazz playlist on shuffle today while revising "receptors and stimuli" and stumbled upon Cullum's jazz rendition of Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music". Despite being criticized by other jazz pianists for not being a proper flat-out jazz musician, i still find myself being attracted to his music; for not only does his music still contain elements of his jazz roots, Jamie's voice is, in itself, extremely enchanting.

Found a video of him performing a mash-up of Robbie William's "Bodies" and Jimi Hendrix's "The Wind Cries Mary". Starting off with his usual routine of playing percussion on his piano, common in many of his performances, he begins with such charisma that you'd feel as if you were at his own concert. But you're not. The following piano interlude linking to Hendrix's classic proves to be a showcase of lovely toe-tapping ingenuity, which is gorgeously complemented with the sound of Jamie's wise raspy voice that takes decades of chain-smoking to acquire, to which we most pleasantly find out that he does not even smoke at all. But going back to the track, it's the coruscating piano solo after and the wind screams Mary that has won me over.

A creative and absolutely talented young musician. Definitely someone who loves music, that's for sure.

Failure

When you've failed a friend, even without intending to do so, the guilt nicks at the back of your mind: you feel froth-corrupted; as if decayed by some horrible disease.

Damn my body.

Wedding

Today marked Wenyao (Nathanael) and Chui Ting (Alethea)'s Wedding. Now i've known Wenyao since i first became more active in church and he has been one of the few people whom i truly admire for his heart for God. Soli deo gloria was one of the things he has taught me: All things done solely for the Glory of God; which has become a major part of my philosophy today.

Here are some of the memories captured today by my handy phone:

 We love because He first loved us.

 The theme for the wedding, since Wenyao is an Aerospace Engineer, revolved around aeroplanes. Here's the pageboy with a ridiculously oversized hat - though i most admit, makes him rather endearing.

 Again, the theme of the wedding is quite evident here.

 Walking in are some of the bride's 姐妹s, as they were.

 All smiles for a happy occasion.

 And in comes the bride herself, escorted by her dear father.

A beautiful bride with a beautiful smile. 

Again, all smiles for the happy couple.

They re-entered rather quickly, too quick for my phone in fact.

A very important piece of paper.

The Bride, the Groom, and i.

It's remarkable how this couple came to be what they are today. It has truly been a blessing, and a very touching one at that.

Pursuit

Sometimes i wonder how far people would go so as to chase their dreams. When they do achieve them, what do dreams then become? And what do they matter in the end? Some people find an eternal, almost transcendent, satisfaction; others, an ephemeral euphoria. Perhaps it all boils down to what you chase your dreams for and how you chase them.

There is a propensity nowadays for people to be so obsessive about their dreams and attaining them, but at what cost? A friend of mine recently shared about her experience during a test she took. People were blatantly cheating at the back of the lecture theatre just for the sake of gaining a comparative advantage. Are dreams worth stepping on other people's toes and leaving behind our moral compasses just to stand out? i definitely think not. 

In the case of not achieving our dreams, what happens then? i think contentment and acceptance are absolutely crucial. As a Christian, i strongly believe in trusting in God's Sovereign plan, and having the faith that God has other options for you. i know it sounds a little too dogmatic and difficult to execute, but let us bear in mind God's wonderful word to us. 

How sweet are Your words to my taste; sweeter than honey to my mouth! The same familiar verse resonates so strongly, '"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord. "Plans for welfare and not for evil; to give you a future and a hope"' (Jeremiah 29:11). He who has ears, let him hear the infallible word of the living God!

Perhaps it is the stupidity and callousness of man's heart, so obsessed (yes i am using obsessed again) with thinking only upon the present, and not caring about what is to come. 

Today the man is here; tomorrow he hath disappeared.

And when he is out of sight, quickly also is he out of mind.

Do we then give up on our dreams? By all means, no! While i find it necessary to do the best you can, we have to bear in mind that sometimes things just do not work out. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things (God's revealing of His plans) will be given unto you as well.

Let us pursue our dreams with something more beautiful set in mind.

Concerned

Reading about some of the latest happenings around the world has left me rather concerned, almost depressed in fact. First from the Dark Knight killings in Colorado, to the shooting in New York due to a dispute at work, to the British assassinations in the French Alps, to the murder of a US ambassador and several others in Libya, and finally to the killing of two innocent British policewomen in Manchester - it is almost unthinkable as to how depraved our world is. It makes me so sad to think of the two promising women, young women at that, who had so much potential and so much ahead of their lives, only to have their lives taken by a madman who gave himself in shortly after the killings.

Yet, it really brings into mind Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God". These incidences are greatly illuminating in terms of showing how chaotic and sinful the world really is. They definitely bring out the imperfections and sinfulness of man and these really remind me all the more to rely on God's supreme sovereignty and less on my own foolish thinking.

More of God; less of self.

Those things that a man can not amend in himself or in others, he ought to suffer patiently, until God orders things otherwise. Thomas À Kempis' The Imitation of Christ is a wonderful book; a book of great importance - perhaps second in the Christian's arsenal after the bible. Even a mere chapter a day is great gain. i should start reading more.

Farewell

You can't repeat the past. Time, inevitably, eludes us despite how much we think we have it under our control. It's been close to a year since i've known my brother Yi Yi, and now it's time to say farewell as he parts to pursue further education; to chase his dream and passion. It's truly been so enlightening to have learnt from such a crazily passionate home-bred chef. The sheer amount of drive that he has and his love for food has not only served to bless others, but has inspired me and rekindled my love for cooking as well (Check him out here).

To Yi Yi:

The times spent cooking with you, whether they be for your clients or just for our fellow church friends, remain close to my heart. i can never really express how grateful i am for the prayers and for the friendship we've shared, both in and out of the kitchen. As you flip to the next chapter of your life in le cordon bleu, London, may you always find strength in the Lord our mighty Fortress & draw strength through Christ our Redeemer. i will most definitely be looking forward to cooking with (and learning from) you when you're back refined!

As Richard Bach, American writer, once said, "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes; a farewell is necessary before you can meet again and meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends". Do not be dismayed, wherever you go. Isaiah 41:10 reads, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand". Take greatest care; i will be keeping you in my prayers.

Once again, i feel inundated with emotions i can hardly comprehend. Nonetheless, i remain, ever more grateful.

Awakening

To be honest, i have always found it difficult to express things - my thoughts especially - in words (even the title of this post is ripped off from a novel i am currently studying). Nonetheless, here begins a new journey. Most of the thoughts conveyed in this blog will be about my life experiences of which, although having lived only a considerably short period of time, i am extremely grateful for.