Reflections

Two friends of mine recently brought up the topic of relationships on separate occasions, and i feel compelled to share my thoughts about it.

i've always treated dating seriously: we date with marriage in mind. It's simple, if you don't see someone as a potential life partner, don't even start at all. There is a propensity for people to carelessly jump into relationships, and that's fine; a normal way of life. But the former is my philosophy of what dating should be.

That being said, such things are intractable, regardless of how serious you (and/or the other party) may be. It is common to experience break-ups even when things appear fine and dandy.

A recent experience has instigated me to ponder over the significance of having a partner. In my opinion (and treat it as my own opinion), having a significant other is merely a bonus - a want, but undoubtedly not a need. The Bible encourages us to marry, but it also gives an account of Paul instructing people to depart from the notion of marriage should it hinder your walk with God. A heavy and almost crucial instruction - but one that many take fleetingly and too lightly, me included.

i had thought i did everything right - i prayed fervently (or so i thought): for direction with regard to asking her and dedicated the relationship to God before she left, but it is only now that i realise how wrong i really was; it is only now that i realise what went wrong.

i loved her more than i loved God.

Perhaps God had to go to that extreme to bring me back to Him: i never got any sense of closure; it happened all too suddenly, any sort of reason i could barely understand and, thereafter, not a word was heard from her since. It caused tremendous amount of pain because i put my heart in there: she was someone i sought to marry and i took it absolutely seriously. But i loved her more than God, and that's what went wrong.

To be honest, i felt betrayal. Words were empty; promises were unkept. It was assumed that it is only fair for her to keep to her side of the bargain, when i kept to mine. But it is pointless, and selfishly unfair to her, to have thought that way. There's a verse in Job that was hauntingly resonant as i was struggling through the idea of it: Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21, ESV). Truly, the Lord blessed me by putting her in my life, but He can also choose to take her away if that's the means to get me to fix my perspectives.

As i said, relationships are a bonus, an absolute blessing to have - someone for us to not get lonely; someone for us to share our struggles and our innermost feelings. It is definitely comforting and pleasant to have something tangible in our lives and without a reasonable doubt, joy and a multitude of emotions can be experienced. But Thomas Kempis writes in The Imitation of Christ, to set our hearts on things that are invisible, and not on the visible, for apart from loving God and serving him only, everything else is vanity.

A part of me desperately wishes to just be able to speak to her again. But that's entirely up to her and ultimately, God's in control of that. Let me thus, seek God wholeheartedly instead. i am after all, still young anyhow (and not date-worthy anyway).