Thankful

Today marks the end of my first week at NUH, as well as the end of the conference. Despite my short stint here, i've grown so attached to this place; bonded so well with the doctors; increased my knowledge tenfold - the hospital feels like home. i should stop myself from getting used to this, lest i find myself disappointed in a month or so's time. The man you see above is the one and only Professor Charles Teo. i took the opportunity to take a photo with him - how often to you get to witness such a professional in action, let alone meet a high-profile neurosurgeon face to face? Never, save this once. He had operated on three difficult cases this week, all of which i was privileged to witness, and i can't help but stand no less than amazed at his surgical prowess. Maybe some day.

Meanwhile, i'm currently in Malaysia for a family trip to my father's golf resort. Haven't seen my relatives since the passing of my late grandfather - it'll definitely be good to catch up with them once more.

Pituitary

This week, the Neurosurgery team of NUH is hosting a conference - The State of the Art Series: Management of Pituitary Tumours, with an expert panel that comprises of both International and Local faculties. As mentioned before, Professor Charles Teo, Senior Consultant Neurosurgeon of UNSW, Australia, is here, and in addition to him, there are also consultants from world-renowned hospitals such as Addenbrookes Hospital in Cambridge and Queen's Hospital in London.

Truly, words cannot describe how grateful i am to the doctors (and to God) for giving me the opportunity to sit in for such a seminar. As i looked around the auditorium today, i observed that i was the only non-medical staff, let alone a non-medical student, who was present for the conference: a timely reminder of how blessed i am.

***

Met Aunty Siew Mei and Samantha in church after the conference today to learn more about the drugs we'd be dealing with during the medical trip to Cambodia i'd be going for in two weeks time. i keep thinking of how i'm supposed to go about explaining such detailed instructions to the translator - getting them right is absolutely crucial: one wrong instruction could be fatal. i can only pray to God that He'll watch over us throughout the one and a half weeks that we'd be there.

Challenging and daunting, but i'm definitely excited and looking forward to it.

Youthful Aging

The Family went to an authentic Italian restaurant, Trattoria Capri it's called, located at Binjai Park, to celebrate my first aunt's sixty-fifth birthday today. It is noteworthy that this is the same restaurant in which a young skinny Singaporean boy first started his career - the boy whom i've learnt so much from and is currently studying in le cordon bleu to further his career in the culinary world.

Before we left for dinner, Father was having some problems with the voucher which he bought online from Groupon and got pretty upset (annoyed) at the restaurant's customer service. Told him to shrug it off (it's not healthy to harvest a grudge) and just enjoy the company - the whole idea was to celebrate first aunt's birthday after all, which blatantly screams "happy occasion". Sure enough, the coupon problem was eventually resolved without so much of a hassle, which made Father's annoyance at the whole thing all a tad bit silly. 

Moreover, the food was good. i thoroughly enjoyed the squid ink ravioli - ravioli al nero di seppia it's called, which had an amazing texture (as expected from home made pasta) and was so flavorful. Chris enjoyed the Tartufata as well - a pizza topped with egg and hints of truffle. 

It was quite absurd to have seen Father act that way, perhaps a result of growing younger with age? i definitely hope not: wouldn't want to experience a Curious Case of Benjamin (Tan) any day.

Experiences

After a series of long lectures, case discussions, and clinics, i ended the day with a visit to the Healthserve Clinic based in Lorong 23, Geylang.

The man you see above is Dr. Tan Lai Yong - a notable, respectable and famous Singaporean doctor best known for his work for the villagers in Yunnan. It is he who inspired me to want to be a doctor (still inspires), and having a personal talk with him today just fulfilled one of them "meet-and-greet sessions with your hero" thingamajigums. Despite having done so much, the man remains ever so humble and down-to-earth, and that is one of the many reasons why i look up to him as someone i'd like to follow.

Other than discussing with him some of the post-IB plans that i have in mind, i spent some four hours in Geylang eating with foreign labourers (some of whom got injured in accidents and are currently jobless), walking around the Red-light districts and observing the lives of the people who live there. From the illegal cigarettes, the small (illegal) dormitories (one room flats housing ten or more workers), the fake Viagra, the transvestite man chicks to the neon lights, the experience was more than a little humbling.

Masterclass

Today marked the beginning of a two-week internship at NUH. On top of being already blessed for this opportunity, i had the privilege of witnessing a world-class, high profile neurosurgeon, Dr. Charles Teo, in action.

The control and precision he had over the surgical instruments and how he removed the brain tumor was unlike any other operation i've seen last year (or the countless others i've watched on youtube) - truly spectacular and worth standing for the 8 hours. It was, irrefutably inspirational.

Definitely looking forward to the many more good days to come.

Reflections

Two friends of mine recently brought up the topic of relationships on separate occasions, and i feel compelled to share my thoughts about it.

i've always treated dating seriously: we date with marriage in mind. It's simple, if you don't see someone as a potential life partner, don't even start at all. There is a propensity for people to carelessly jump into relationships, and that's fine; a normal way of life. But the former is my philosophy of what dating should be.

That being said, such things are intractable, regardless of how serious you (and/or the other party) may be. It is common to experience break-ups even when things appear fine and dandy.

A recent experience has instigated me to ponder over the significance of having a partner. In my opinion (and treat it as my own opinion), having a significant other is merely a bonus - a want, but undoubtedly not a need. The Bible encourages us to marry, but it also gives an account of Paul instructing people to depart from the notion of marriage should it hinder your walk with God. A heavy and almost crucial instruction - but one that many take fleetingly and too lightly, me included.

i had thought i did everything right - i prayed fervently (or so i thought): for direction with regard to asking her and dedicated the relationship to God before she left, but it is only now that i realise how wrong i really was; it is only now that i realise what went wrong.

i loved her more than i loved God.

Perhaps God had to go to that extreme to bring me back to Him: i never got any sense of closure; it happened all too suddenly, any sort of reason i could barely understand and, thereafter, not a word was heard from her since. It caused tremendous amount of pain because i put my heart in there: she was someone i sought to marry and i took it absolutely seriously. But i loved her more than God, and that's what went wrong.

To be honest, i felt betrayal. Words were empty; promises were unkept. It was assumed that it is only fair for her to keep to her side of the bargain, when i kept to mine. But it is pointless, and selfishly unfair to her, to have thought that way. There's a verse in Job that was hauntingly resonant as i was struggling through the idea of it: Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21, ESV). Truly, the Lord blessed me by putting her in my life, but He can also choose to take her away if that's the means to get me to fix my perspectives.

As i said, relationships are a bonus, an absolute blessing to have - someone for us to not get lonely; someone for us to share our struggles and our innermost feelings. It is definitely comforting and pleasant to have something tangible in our lives and without a reasonable doubt, joy and a multitude of emotions can be experienced. But Thomas Kempis writes in The Imitation of Christ, to set our hearts on things that are invisible, and not on the visible, for apart from loving God and serving him only, everything else is vanity.

A part of me desperately wishes to just be able to speak to her again. But that's entirely up to her and ultimately, God's in control of that. Let me thus, seek God wholeheartedly instead. i am after all, still young anyhow (and not date-worthy anyway).

Drained

Day one of post-examinations: extremely energy-draining. I never thought that shopping'd be much more tiring than my trainings and exercise combined. And despite the fact that i spent four hours cycling in the rain yesterday and only two to three hours walking around Vivo today, i feel two times more exhausted than how i felt the day before. Very, very interesting: a different kind of stamina altogether.

Coincidentally, i saw a couple of people i know roaming the same place where i was. Again, Singapore is too small a place for coincidences to be accurately called coincidences. But it's nice to be aware of how convenient meeting up can be considering how we've officially graduated from school. Makes me all the more grateful i live in a country where travelling is not much of an issue.

Liberation

Liberation felt better imagined, cause i know it's only temporary.

I'm more looking forward to the events that lie ahead of me as i continue to breathe life during my stint on Earth.

In Sadness

How undeniably sad life is when we get caught in the net of Academical Pursuits and neglect the things that truly matter.

But of course, every one is entitled to their own beliefs. You can't enforce your views on others, and i'm not so naive to believe otherwise.

Little Blessings

Life has taught me, through my experiences and interactions with people of distinct backgrounds, that we are always blessed, regardless of what we have (or lack).

Though The Straits Times published a rather ludicrous article about the distinctions between "the elite" schools and "the rest" on Saturday (which was completely inaccurate), they do, at most times, have articles that are worth reading. Yesterday's article about the world's 'poorest' president was one of them.

Quote the press, "Uruguay's President Jose Mujica, shuns official residence and gives 90% of salary to charity...for his modest home on a farm on the outskirts of the capital." His actions are noble - which other country has a leader who does the same? i felt that it was good of the press to publish his story and let us be aware that life is made up of the choices that we make. One can argue, however, that this is all some sort of a political act on his part, to gain the support of his people. But i'd like to think the best of people and assume his actions are genuine and sincere.

Mr. World's Poorest President has got me thinking about how we Singaporeans live our lives today. Volunteering in several non-profit organisations over the past six years, coupled with the interaction with friends from church who do the same, has helped me realised how great the disparity between the rich and the poor here really is. And i truly am touched to see people stepping out by the numbers to help and contribute in whatever ways the can.

Sadly, many of these volunteers are people who come from "less well-to-do" backgrounds, as it were. Many of the better well-off families are unaware of even the presence of these needy families. A classmate of mine once asked how i am able to find so many CAS opportunities (though for most of them, i did not even bother to claim), when it's simple: you just have to open your eyes and look around. But i guess that's just the brutal reality of the world: the rich get richer and the poor, get children. (Scott F. Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby)

i guess people are generally afraid of losing; afraid of losing the comfortable life that our forefathers worked so hard to give to us, and this fear is in many ways normal. But let us try to learn from Mr, Mujica: "I am called the 'poorest President', but I don't feel poor. Poor people are only those who work to try to keep an expensive lifestyle, and always want more and more."

If we maintain a contented spirit, and part from a greedy heart, we'd realise that the little blessings that we already have are in fact, the only things we'd ever need.

Oh but unfortunately, we're all only human.

Sentimental

Put on Art Tatum's music while revising for my (hopefully not) last biology paper. Mr. Tatum's tuneful melodies coupled with the smooth runs that are characteristic of his style, are what i'd give an arm for to be able to replicate - they're absolutely wicked. How apt was the comment, probably off from an amazed bystander, at the end of In a Sentimental Mood as well, which sums up my thoughts concisely - "Beautiful".

Being one who spent his piano lessons memorising classical pieces off the piano scores, improvisation's not my cup of tea. Thus, as much as i'd like to do the same, i can only admire from a distance.

***

It occurred to me that the next three days i'll be in school sitting for my papers will be the last three days that i'll be donning the uniform of my school for the past six years. It isn't my nature to get sentimental about such things, but the years spent in this famed institution have been nothing but a privilege and a blessing, and i feel perennial gratefulness for everyone who has played an instrumental role in shaping the person i am today.

However, i do acknowledge how sheltered we have been within the four walls of our classroom, and although we did have hints of it, we've been without a doubt, protected from the selfish and brutal hunger that drives people in today's modern society. And we think we've real problems, heh.

Oh well, into the real world i come.

Submission

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." (James 4:7, 8 ESV)

i find myself growing weary: drained from the past two weeks of examinations; sapped of energy, and lacking in motivation to remain stedfast in prayer.

i find myself succumbing to temptation: while my spirit willingly resists, my flesh, inevitably, gives up loathsomely.

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength"
These words hang across the walls of the auditorium, in which i sit. A wonderful promise, but before i slothfully claim it, let me first wholeheartedly submit, and draw near to God (and fleeing the devil.)