Disappearing

And so begins my journey to the North. i'm absolutely terrified, but tis a good and exciting terrified. Blogger and Facebook'll be blocked, but not like it matters.

And here's that: i'm disappearing for a month. Adieu!

Life Changing

It's been a while since i last posted my thoughts proper. While i first started this blog envisioning it to be an account of the journey of my culinary experiments, i find myself having more experiences that pertain more so to other genres in life. Writing is a magical instrument for me -- while it's not much of my forte, it forces me to think; forces me to reflect; forces me to write. And with writing comes converging perspectives - distinct perspectives that broaden, well, my perspectives. Yet, concomitant with expanding the openness of my mind, there lies much energy to be consumed in the churning out of a blogpost. Nonetheless, here is my attempt to keep this blog alive; to keep my thoughts alive.

Recently, i've been overwhelmed with a diversity of work experiences, of which i've been so excited to share about, but due to the privacy and sensitivity of the work, i'm unable to do so. Which is a shame, really, because it's been exceedingly humbling -- which of course, i owe all to God. 

But the Life Changing matter that has been heavily weighing so burdensomely on my mind pertains to a topic encompassing all my experiences thus far, although not entirely concomitant with it. This i will touch on later. i will first focus on the experiences i've had with my relatives - no not the relatives i best relate to, but the ones who usually spend their time during family gatherings, amidst the buzz of the television, the silence of the smartphones and the laughter of working parents, sitting silently; watching silently; laughing silently. Relatives none other than the nonagenarians and the shibboleths -- the elderly folk.

Several weeks ago, i sat down with my maternal grandfather over dinner and in that session, i had the longest conversation i ever had with him during my 18 years on this good earth. With him doing most of the talking, and i listening, i traced the journey of a young boy waddling through gang-ridden streets; of a promising student cheating the transport system having to live on a mere 2 cents daily allowance; of a Raffles student stopping his education due to the horrors of the war; of the events leading to a marriage, which eventually led to the birth of nine children (one of which being my mother), as it unravelled through the mouth of a frail but vibrant old man. Today, i took the step to sit down with my aunt's husband's mother, whom i generically call 婆婆(pó po - grandma), and conversed with her in the course of the Chinese New Year Dinner. In my preceding years, i've always greeted her with joy, and she'd always tell my mother that i'm a “乖孩子”(guāi hái zi - good child), which i have always so shamefully accepted it, though that was as far as the conversation would carry.

Me and my aunt's husband's mother, whom i generically call 婆婆

And we talked about life - of hers and mine. But the most striking moment of the night was when i asked her a simple question: “婆婆，您的新年过得怎样？” (How did your new year go?). Expecting her to reply cheerfully she, to my surprise, said with a frown that she's not enjoying it at all. This led to further probing, which led to her speaking of a once spry and youthful past where she most probably glamorously obtained her corpulence from, which has now inexorably descended into the degrading senescence (giving rise to causes of her unhappiness: knee problems and shortness of breath, thus confining her at home) we classify as old age. She occupies herself with television and iPad games, but despite these activities, there is a ubiquitous sense of boredom and sadness. Her friends do come and visit her once in a while, and she does get intermittent phone calls, but these aren't enough to make her feel happy. i told her that people, perforce, grow old eventually, and her problems are one of the more common problems of the diversity that old people share. “这些问题真的是免不了，但是最重要是自己要开心” - i told her that these problems cannot be avoided, and the most important thing is to remain happy on the inside (it is my prayer that i'd learn to seize opportunities like this to share with her how we are able to find eternal joy - through Jesus - and that God will, in His mercy, touch her heart). After which, i asked her if i could take her out of the house in a wheelchair for a walk outside the house, to which she flashed me the broadest smile and chuckled the most endearing laugh of the night, and agreed.

In both encounters, the benison came in happiness from their happiness. In both encounters, i felt inundated with conflicting emotions. Guilt came from the thought of so hypocritically accepting the label of being a "good child", when i never actually made the effort to really exude the traits of my appraisal. Needless to say, i'm still thankful that i've managed to, although in a small way, touch both the lives of my grandfather and po po. This i hope to expound on, with the hope that they will eventually come to the saving knowledge that is in Christ so that i can see them again.

Now for the overarching matter that i mentioned before in the foregoing paragraphs. i've been told (and i've observed) how my little actions - be it through the volunteering or the interactions i've had -  have touched someone's life one way or another. And this is something i'm humbly proud of. Yet, it makes me question who i really am. Is it right for me to get angry when i'm mistreated, or when i feel that no one actually cares? Have i let my critical view on things make my relationships with more fortunate and well-to-do people become threadbare? Have i let my disappointment in the people i love manifest itself into resentment for their unexplainable actions? Who am i really, except to exemplify the love that God shows - not just to a selected few, but to all - even though it's unrequited. Let me not pour judgment on those who seemingly have double-standards, lest i set double-standards for myself as well.  Though loving the needy is no problem, let me also learn to love unconditionally; to love everyone, even those who i've thought to be insincere and without genuine concern.

And reconciliation comes with hope, which comes from the reconciliation that's made possible through Christ; through God.

Not Always.

You can't always get what you want.

Period.

A Taste of the Sea

Cooked for a dear friend before he enlists next week. The dish is a rather healthy dish, adapted from Martin Wishart's recipe: Sea Bass with Glazed Vegetables, Straw Potatoes and Gourmand Vinaigrette. To be honest, this dish is relatively simple. The challenge was more of the time spent julienning everything for the sake of texture.

Steamed Sea Bass with Glazed Vegetables, Straw Potatoes and Gourmand Vinaigrette

And above is the result. It is a dish i'd recommend, and it's great especially if you're looking for a lighter meal (It's great for pescetarians as well). There are three components to it: The Vinaigrette Sauce, the Vegetables and the fish.

The vegetables comprise of zucchini, carrot, fennel and celery. The celery is diced, while the zucchini, fennel and carrot are julienned into long thin strips (ideally, 2 by 2 by 50 mm). These are then blanched in boiling chicken or vegetable stock with garlic for about 1-2 minutes. Once that is done, the mixture is strained and the stock is placed in another pan to make the sauce.

To make the sauce, heat the stock with a couple of tarragon stalks and let it reduce. While waiting for the sauce reduction, prepare the vinaigrette. This is done by mixing sherry vinegar with the juice of one lemon and a little salt and sugar. One that is done, drizzle in some extra virgin olive oil while whisking, as you'd do making a mayonnaise. How much oil you add is up to your own discretion -- just use your own intuition and to taste. After that, add in some diced tomatoes, which have been skinned and deseeded. Once the stock has been reduced to about 5 tablespoons of a runny syrup, take out the tarragon stalks, remove the pan from the heat and add in the vinaigrette, setting it aside for later use.

Now to prepare the fish. You should have fillets of sea bass ready, either done by yourself before starting cooking or getting them done by the supermarket or fishmonger. Rub some unsalted butter on the fish and season with salt and pepper.

On a large plate (which you'd use for steaming later), drizzle some olive oil and season the base with salt and pepper. Lay the vegetables on the plate and season again at the top. Place the fish on the bed of vegetables and cover with cling wrap. This is to keep the fish moist and let them steam in their own juices. Thereafter, steam for about 15 minutes.

While waiting for the fish to cook, deep fry some julienned potatoes (for garnish) and pat dry with paper towel. Also, heat up the sauce and add some chopped chives.

Now to serve: lay the vegetables on a plate and sit the fish fillets on top. Spoon some sauce around the fish and place the straw potato crisps on top of the fillet as seen in the picture. What you get is moist fish that's complemented with sweet vegetables that's enhanced with the aniseed flavor of the fennel and the vinaigrette. Texture-wise, the vegetables feel like noodles and they are complemented with the crispy potatoes and the soft fish. It's definitely worth trying!